


bid your goodbye to turning tables

by binar



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Cheating, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Mild Blood, Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binar/pseuds/binar
Summary: You saw him. He knew that. Your widened eyes, shock, and the colours drained from your face, turned you pale as a ghost. You didn’t say a word to him, not even days nor weeks after that.He’d be lying if he said it didn’t eat him up.
Relationships: Sylvain Jose Gautier/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 84





	bid your goodbye to turning tables

**Author's Note:**

> this story is non-linear. it goes back and forth between post and pre-timeskip! i use symbols, so any paragraphs below that symbol is within their designated time period (✩ = post ts / ☾ = pre ts) just to ease any confusion.

✩

As meals are being served in the food halls after a long day of training and preparation for the next expedition, Sylvain finds himself glancing back and forth to you who's preoccupied with food duties. It's been far too long. Five years. To think the years have passed so fast yet you remain the same in his eyes.

The war is the last situation he'd ever imagined reuniting with _you_ again. Heck, he’d never thought he’d be able to reunite with you at all. But as his thought wanders a little, he notices you look back at him and smiles. A faint one. Wide enough that allows his heartbeat to take a leap, but faint enough for him to realize the strain time had put on certain strings. Old strings you both once shared with one another.

☾

Sylvain couldn’t recall the last time he was able to lie down under the tree with no worries. It was hard to resist since it was the first day out of all the rainy days that year that Faerghus’ sky was clearing up to a warm shade of sky blue. Usually he'd have to listen to endless scolds coming from both Ingrid and Felix to prepare for the upcoming battles.

Finally, at long last, some peace of mind.

"Can't say I've ever seen you laze around like this."

He jolted in surprise at the voice that appeared beside him out of nowhere. You laughed.

"Getting comfy on the ground, eh?" (Y/N) continues to tease him.

"Geez, you came out of nowhere," Sylvain sits up begrudgingly from the comfort of his position, now with his back laid against the tree. “Can’t a guy have his beauty sleep?”

"D'aww, scared I might wash your handsomeness away, Sir Gautier? I could’ve sworn that’s been done already!”

"Hah! Not a chance,” Sylvain grins at her remark. “If that happened, you wouldn’t be here swooned by my charms.”

“That’s very bold of you to assume that I _am_ swooned!” You gasped dramatically before finally sitting down beside him, nuzzling close to his side radiating warmth off of your body. He finds her presence comforting. He laid his head on your shoulder, drinking in the warmth of your body and soft shoulders.

You leaned towards the top head, leaving a gentle and warm kiss on the top of his head. 

“Well, to be honest with you, I am so incredibly swooned by you,” You whispered to him in a rather charming manner. The tiny puff of air between each whispered word sent tingles down his spine. But he liked it. As cheesy as your words may be, he liked it. He wouldn’t ever admit it because he knew he had to maintain distance. He’d let you walk on a fine line, close enough to touch the walls he’d built with your fingertips but not enough to let them crumble.

You were _all_ the same to him. They all were.

If that was true, then why would he try so hard to reassure himself when it comes to you?

✩

You’re heading towards the frontlines. When hearing you gladly volunteered to lend your strength to become aid for the majorly risky part of the battle made Sylvain’s heart stop. 

“(Y/N), listen to me,” He exclaimed almost loudly, causing a few heads turning his way but a particular set of (Y/E/C) eyes caught his attention as he followed her down the corridor of Garreg Mach. “It’s far too risky.”

“Sylvain, it’s war. Everything’s a risk. Everyone’s putting their lives on the line and I shouldn’t be an exception.” You replied without giving him a glance. A hint of annoyance can be heard in your voice.

“You don’t understand. The frontlines means you’re putting _everything_ at risk.”

“And?”

“And I don’t want to lo-” He cuts his words short, realizing he had raised his voice louder than he thought he would. He swallows back his word, as painful as it is. He stops in his steps, looking down at his feet. Fist clenched at his side.

You turn to face him, avoiding his gaze and maintaining a calm demeanor. Then you look at him. There’s no hint of disgust or anger that he’s searching for. Yet it’s something much softer and perhaps sombre. You reach out to his hand, he flinches slightly when you hold his hands between yours.

“You, of all people, know how much butt I can kick.” There it is. Your bright, encouraging smile. There’s still warmth in them, but something tells him that you’re holding back. The smile barely reaches the end of your cheeks but he doesn’t want to press the matter further.

Sylvain's hand reaches out unconsciously, resting itself on your cheeks gently. You remain frozen when his thumb caresses over your cheeks so fondly, same as the look on his face.

It takes a few minutes for him to finally realize what he'd done.

Immediately, he tears himself apart from you. He keeps distance, utterly flustered.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- It meant nothing!" He spits out the words from the top of his head. A bumbling fool.

"Ah," Your eyes tear away from his gaze, "That's okay. I'll just… leave now."

He couldn’t even bring himself to say anything, just watching you walk further and further away until your figure’s no longer in his sight.

 _Great_ . He thought to himself, running his fingers through his head while grumbling under his breath. _You messed up_.

☾

To him, girls were all the same. To him, he thought he knew what they were after all this time. That had always been the case anyway, so he wouldn’t think any different for anyone who’d been with. Perhaps it’s wrong to make such assumptions and that it’s wrong for him to shun everyone like that. How else was he supposed to react when his whole life it always been about his crest and nothing more? Not that anything else mattered.

This time, he’d gotten dangerously close. The feelings he’s had when he’s around you have gotten out of control. Sylvain had never felt so distraught before in his life. Unsure what to make out of them and he did what he knew best.

He barely knew the name of the girl who he had pressed against the wall. It was meant for him to pour out his feelings to, nothing more than that. His whole being went numb as he pressed his lips further onto the girl’s lips, messy and frantic as if he’s trying to reach for something. The girl wasn’t _you_. His mind drank that one thought like, but it echoed through like poison. No matter how rough he was, the words became louder and louder with each breath.

You saw him. He knew that. Your widened eyes, shock, and the colours drained from your face, turned you pale as sheets. You didn’t say a word to him, not even days nor weeks after that. 

He’d be lying if he said it didn’t eat him up.

✩

The battle cries and sharp clangs of swords echo in his head. He lunges towards Empirical soldiers with his lance in one hand, swiftly slash it through their chests causing blood to splatter across his armour. The fight is nowhere near over. Sylvain glances across the field and sees you fighting fiercely against a warlock. You’re taking the lead in the fight, creating powerful blasts from the tip of your fingers one after the other.

He realized your gaze on him. For a moment, the two of you indulge in each other amidst the chaotic mess of battle that ensues around you. A figure catches his attention. All comes to an abrupt halt. Time had stopped for him for a moment.

“(Y/N)!” He screams at the top of his lungs. An Empirical soldier lunges towards you with a sword in hand and it’s far too late for you to realize what’s going on. You were prepared to fully embrace the impact.

Yet nothing. Not until you hear a thump on the ground. You open your eyes to see Sylvain's body defeatedly fall onto the ground, with his back exposed and severely bleeding from the impact. Your head had gone numb at the sight of your seemingly lifeless body before him and before you could wrap your head around what was going on.

“Sylvain!” He hears you, faintly but through very thick gurgles. His sight becomes a little blurry. His eyes remain fixated on your face, but things had gone dark.

✩

Warmth. That’s the first thing he felt when opening his eyes. The painful beat at the back of his head made him wince. His body could barely move and he’s blinded by the bright shining light from across the room. Sylvain tries to sit up but the immediate surge of pain coming from his back has made him glued back on the bed. He’s alive and breathing at least.

 _Shatter_! He jolts, now fully awake. In a distance, he sees you and a pile of water with shattered pieces of glass at the bottom of your feet. You were alright. Relief washes over him. He didn’t realize he’d been holding it until that very moment.

“Well, you seem alri-” He was about to make a lighthearted joke, but it never comes out. Because all he could feel after is more warmth. Your warmth. Your embrace. Not minding the numbing pain of his back.

“Goddess, s… sorry!” You stutter your words out between sobs, pulling away. Sylvain takes a good look at you. You had visible eyebags, looking a little frazzled from the way you put your hair messy. He notices the wrinkles on your hands and the way your finger trembles.

“It’s okay.” He reassures you, unsure what tone he should use.

“I was… I was so worried that you might’ve been… gone,” Your voice falters between words. “I didn’t want to believe it and I’m…I’m so glad I didn’t. I’m so, glad, you’re alright.”

“You were worried about me?”

“Of course, you idiot. I always have.”

“Not,” He pauses hesitantly, “out of obligations?”

Your eyes widen. “Is that what you thought? All this time?” He’s a little surprised too. He fully admits, he’s truly an idiot. All those years of misunderstanding because of his own pessimism of others had completely turned him blind. He knew you were different, but he’s dense as he can be. He never wanted to just jump out of the window at that moment.

“Sylvain.” You hold his hand between yours. Your much smaller ones. “I’ve always cared for you. I’ve always loved you. I’m still _swooned_ by you, whether you believe me or not. And it’s because it’s you.” 

Sylvain couldn’t process all this. You’re being upfront with your feelings had cleared his thoughts so much so he just couldn’t think for himself. He’s drawing blank.

You let out a sigh and that damned faint smile of yours. “I don’t want to pressure you. It has been years, after all. Things bound to change.”

_Say something, moron!_

“I’ll leave you to rest.” You stand up and begin to walk away.

Sylvain reaches out, hand tightly grip on your wrist. You look back to see his brows furrowed. “(Y/N), I’m an idiot,” He fully admits with a defeated tone. He sighs, his grip has loosened slightly and you’ve turn yourself back to face him. “You know who I was. Everyone I've ever been with always wanted the same thing, one thing. So, I shut myself off.”

You listen to him closely, now fully seated beside him on the bed. Both of your fingers intertwined in each other’s hands. His thumbs tapping on the back of your hand, nerves began to sink in. “I’ve always liked what we had. I wouldn’t want to admit it, but I felt comfortable around you. I still do and I truly regret what I did.”

Swallowing down his saliva like a hard rock, it’s painful to admit. “I hurt you. I hurt you, (Y/N). In a way that’s just… unforgivable. Even if it’s been years, I still hurt you. Deliberately. I’m truly sorry for what I did.” His words drift out in a whisper, low yet focused.

“For that reason,” Sylvain looks away from your gaze. “For that reason, I can’t be with you. I need to better myself somehow. I mean, look at me. Took me five whole years to _finally_ not be a flirty jerk.” You laugh a little at this, lightens up the atmosphere and even makes him smile too.

“It did take you a while to realize flirting aimlessly gets you nowhere, huh?” You respond back lightheartedly.

“Yeah, but hey. Progress is still progress. I think.” Sylvain lets out a nervous laugh. For a moment, it goes silent between the two of you. There’s longing in him, but he knows better than to get that to the best of him. He knows he should be better. For your sake and for his own.

Your voice comes out almost in a whisper. “Then… why not start over?”

Your words come as a surprise to him. A new start. A fresh one. A new chance for both of you, to finally leave the past. He was so convinced you wouldn’t want to be with him, but knowing you he should know better. Even if the world feels like it doesn’t want the two of you to be by each other’s sides, you’d always find a way into each other’s embrace somehow.

“I think I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> here's sylvain reader insert fic i made for my friend that i've been working on for weeks now! i'd like to write more reader inserts in the future, heheh. what do you think?
> 
> find me [here](https://twitter.com/runefactori)  
> 


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